Posts

How Kids Cope With Conflict Between Divorced Parents

A ten year old does not need to sit in a courtroom to know something is wrong between her parents. She hears it in a voice at pickup, sees it in a look exchanged over a backpack, feels it in the silence after a text message goes unanswered. For years, the guidance given to separated and divorced parents boiled down to one rule: conflict is bad for kids, so get rid of it. Newer research tells a more useful story, and it starts with a distinction most families never hear. How Parents Handle Conflict Matters More Than Whether It Happens Divorce alone does not determine how a child turns out. Most kids whose parents separate do fine over the long run. The strongest predictor of poor outcomes is destructive conflict, not separation itself, meaning yelling, blaming, or pulling a child into the middle of a disagreement. Constructive conflict looks different. Parents disagree, work through it, and model repair in front of their kids, and that experience can teach a child a skill worth having...
Post a Comment
Read more

100: Parallel Parenting — Two Train Tracks, One Child

Divorce may end a marriage, but it does not end the responsibility to raise a child together . We explore what parallel parenting really means when cooperative co-parenting feels impossible. Krista reframes parallel parenting as a way to reduce unnecessary conflict while still sharing essential information and supporting one child moving between two homes. We look at how chronic conflict harms kids, what children actually notice and internalize, and the subtle ways loyalty binds show up. Krista walks through strategies for calmer, businesslike communication, using parenting apps, structuring exchanges to protect children from tension, and drafting specific, child-centered parenting plans. We also touch on when added support can help, and how safety concerns and domestic violence change the analysis. In this episode, you will hear: What parallel parenting is and what it is not The “two train tracks, one train” analogy for co-parenting after divorce How chronic conflict and loyal...
Post a Comment
Read more

Parallel Parenting When Co-Parenting Isn’t Possible: Protecting Your Kids in High-Conflict Situations

Key Takeaways Parallel parenting is still co-parenting. You can put more distance between the adults, but you can’t step away from your shared responsibility to your child. Parallel parenting cuts unnecessary communication, not necessary communication. Medical, school, and emergency information, major activities, and significant changes still have to be shared. Chronic conflict harms kids more than two households do. Children pick up on tone, body language, and contempt, and they often feel caught in loyalty binds. Specific parenting plans reduce conflict. Clear terms for vacations, holidays, exchanges, and decisions build guardrails around the conflict instead of walls between parents. Parallel parenting is often temporary. The goal is whatever level of cooperation serves your child best, not a rigid label. Introduction When a divorce is full of conflict, the idea of never dealing with your ex again can sound like relief. That’s usually what parents picture wh...
Post a Comment
Read more

Guardianship or Custody? Choosing the Right Legal Path for a Child You’re Raising

Image
Grandma has been raising her grandson for months. She feeds him, gets him to school, sits with him when he’s scared at two in the morning. Then a school secretary looks at his birth certificate, doesn’t see her name, and asks a question that stops her cold: are you his legal guardian ? In this episode of the Children First Family Law Podcast, Krista Nash talks with Colorado attorney Lisa Shellenberger, managing partner at Setter Roche Smith & Shellenberger, LLP, who practices at the intersection of domestic relations, juvenile law, and probate guardianship. Lisa and Krista walk through what happens when someone other than a parent needs real legal authority to care for a child, and why the wrong choice of legal path at the outset can cost a family months of unnecessary conflict. Guardianship and Custody Solve Different Problems Most family lawyers instinctively file in domestic court, the venue most people associate with divorce and custody. But as Lisa explains, tha...
Post a Comment
Read more

099: The Surprisingly Simple Tool That Helps Kids Through Divorce with Dr. Karey O’Hara

Krista Nash welcomes back Dr. Karey O’Hara for this episode, following up on research first introduced on an earlier visit to the podcast. Parents going through separation or divorce are often told that conflict is bad for their kids, but Karey, a psychologist and researcher at Arizona State University, explains why that message misses the point. Karey and her team spent years studying children ages nine to twelve living through high conflict divorce, testing which coping strategies actually help and whether combining several works better than relying on one alone. The results surprised even the research team. One simple strategy, relaxation, outperformed the rest. Karey walks through what happens in a child’s body during parental conflict, what parents should avoid doing in those moments, and how a free program from her lab lets families put the findings into practice right away. It’s a hopeful, practical conversation for any parent trying to protect their kids am...
Post a Comment
Read more

098: When You’re Raising Someone Else’s Child: Guardianship, Custody & Getting Legal Authority

Krista Nash sits down with Colorado attorney Lisa Shellenberger, managing partner at Setter Roche Smith & Shellenberger, to talk through a corner of family law most parents never see coming until they’re standing in it. When a parent dies, disappears into addiction, or simply can’t provide safe care, the person left holding things together is rarely equipped for what comes next. Krista and Lisa unpack the real difference between guardianship and custody, why probate court can move faster than domestic court, and what happens when a parent gets back on their feet and wants their child returned. They also cover the constitutional rights every parent holds and how families can put protections in place before a crisis forces their hand. It’s a conversation built for anyone quietly raising a child who isn’t legally theirs yet. In this episode, you will hear: Why guardianship and custody solve two completely different legal problems for kids The 182 day rul...
Post a Comment
Read more

097: Alcohol, Drugs & Other Addictions in Child Custody: The Traditional Approach (Part 2)

Maintaining a child’s attachment to a parent with substance abuse issues can be a complex path to navigate. With advice from experts and keeping the child’s best interests first and foremost, parents and courts can successfully co-parent and maintain a healthy parent-child relationship. This episode of Children First Family Law is part two of Krista’s two-part series on navigating substance misuse issues alongside co-parenting in a divorce situation. While citing the research and expertise of  Dr. Stephanie Tabashnecke, Krista highlights the vulnerability of children in a family law case when a parent is struggling with substance abuse. She shares the underlying causes of this disorder and why understanding it can help both parents cope while keeping the child’s best interests at the forefront of their co-parenting conversations. You’ll hear why relapse is an expected part of struggling with this disorder, the top ten myths surrounding substance abuse, and how disrupting a child’s at...
Post a Comment
Read more