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Why Communication Escalates in High Conflict Co-Parenting

In many post-separation families, the biggest battles are not about major legal issues. They are about communication. A medical appointment, a school event, or a schedule change can quickly spiral into pages of accusations and defensiveness. The problem is rarely the topic itself. It is the tone, the assumptions, and the emotional charge behind the exchange. High conflict dynamics often stem from unmanaged anger and unresolved grief. When one or both parents feel blamed, betrayed, or powerless, they may become preoccupied with proving the other person wrong. Instead of focusing on solutions, communication turns into scorekeeping. This pattern not only exhausts parents, it creates tension that children inevitably feel. The BIFF Framework: A Practical Reset One of the most effective tools for calming co-parent conflict is the BIFF method: Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. Brief means limiting responses to what is necessary. Lengthy explanations often invite more argument. A con...
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071: From the Archives: Incremental Trust Building for Co-Parents: A Challenge from International Expert Dr. Michael Saini

Co-parents often find themselves at a stalemate with one parent distrustful of the other. Trust can be rebuilt, and returning guest Dr. Michael Saini has some tips on how to do it. On today’s episode of Children First Family Law, Krista welcomes back Dr. Saini, a Toronto-based renowned psychologist who has authored more than 200 publications, including book chapters, government reports, systematic reviews, and a vast number of peer-reviewed journal articles highlighting research in the area of family law and its impact on children. Dr. Saini is a passionate advocate for children’s rights. Krista and Dr. Saini begin their conversation by explaining the importance of establishing boundaries around trust and repairing trust violations in the context of a divorce situation. Dr. Saini outlines the research on trust as the number one dynamic for co-parenting success, emphasizing the importance of accepting who your co-parent is and building trust despite any disputes you may have with th...
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070: BIFF Communication for Co-Parents with Bill Eddy: International Author and Expert on Coparenting Communication

In this episode of the Children First Family Law Podcast, Krista is joined by Bill Eddy, co-founder of the High Conflict Institute and author of BIFF for Co-Parent Communication. They dive into one of the biggest challenges in family law cases: how parents communicate during conflict. Whether tensions show up around parenting time and decision making, medical issues, school events, or simple schedule changes, the way we respond can either calm the situation—or inflame it. Bill walks through the BIFF method—Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm—and explains why managing your own communication is often the fastest way to reduce conflict. He also explores why some parents get stuck in anger and how that spills over onto children. If you want practical tools to protect your kids and bring more stability to co-parent communication, this conversation is for you. In this episode, you will hear: What BIFF means and why Brief Informative Friendly Firm responses reduce conflict How to re...
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069: The Benefits of Full-Service Amicable Uncontested Divorce Mediation. How to Save Money, Reduce Stress, and Prioritize Your Family’s Emotional Health During Divorce

It’s no secret that separations and divorces can be stressful, costly, and emotionally exhausting, and finding a solution that works for both parties involved and the children can feel impossible. On this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista outlines the options available to those seeking a divorce or separation, particularly in Colorado. The choices individuals make in this situation have implications, and Krista shares the potential pitfalls and considerations of each one. These options include handling the separation or divorce without an attorney, hiring an attorney (or two–one for each party), coaching services, mediation, and arbitration. She explains each one’s advantages and disadvantages. Krista offers a unique final solution she developed called an Amicable Uncontested Divorce Solution, in which she works with both co-parents to create customized solutions for their particular scenario. Finally, Krista shares the importance of preserving the co-parenting dynamic to ...
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068: Colorado Family Law: Understanding the Role of a CLR in Custody and Parenting Cases

In this solo episode of the Children First Family Law podcast, Krista, a Colorado-based family law attorney and child advocate, breaks down her structured approach to serving as a Child’s Legal Representative (CLR) in high-conflict divorce and custody cases across the state. Krista shares her 11-step process for advocating on behalf of children during some of the most complex and emotionally charged family law matters. Drawing on her experience practicing throughout Denver, Boulder, Fort Collins, and Colorado Springs, she guides listeners through the process of how CLRs are appointed, their interactions with families, and how they contribute to shaping child-centered solutions both inside and outside the courtroom. From initial appointments and home visits to therapeutic collaboration and final court engagement, Krista explains how an active, negotiation-based model empowers children to have a voice while protecting their well-being. She also compares the CLR role to other evaluativ...
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When Divorce Is Handled With Intention, Children Notice

Divorce is often described as a breaking point for families, but for children, the experience can be defined less by the separation itself and more by how the adults behave afterward. When parents prioritize clarity, consistency, and emotional boundaries, children can experience divorce not as a collapse, but as a transition. Children are highly observant. They absorb tone, timing, and subtext even when adults believe they are being discreet. When parents approach divorce thoughtfully, children feel safer navigating change and are less likely to internalize conflict as their responsibility. The Power of Being Told Together One of the most important moments for a child is how they learn about the divorce. Being told together sends a clear message: both parents are still aligned in caring for their child. It reinforces that the child is not losing a parent, choosing sides, or being asked to manage adult emotions. Focusing the conversation on reassurance rather than blame helps childr...
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067: Best Hits from the Archives: Top 10 Things to Do (and Don’t Do) When Hiring a Divorce Attorney

Hiring the right attorney in a divorce case involving children can make or break your case. If you hire the wrong one, they could be a big problem. In this replay episode of Children First Family Law, Krista offers the 10 dos and don’ts of hiring a divorce attorney. A good attorney should be a peacemaker, not a gladiator, which can foster the destruction of children’s well-being, parents, and individual parties. Toxicity generally isn’t necessary, even in potentially adversarial cases. Finding amicable solutions for children’s best interests is at the heart of this episode. Using Krista’s tips for finding a good divorce attorney, you could avoid a litigious, expensive, and destructive road. In this episode, you will hear: The importance of hiring an attorney who is empathetic, warm, likable, and ethical Krista’s tips for testing the accessibility and responsiveness of an attorney and their team Ensuring your attorney will be clear and transparent about each step of the process ...
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