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The Words Co-Parents Use — and Why They Matter More Than They Think

Most co-parents going through separation focus on the big decisions — parenting schedules, legal agreements, who gets what. What they underestimate is something far more immediate: the language they use with each other every single day. The words that show up in a text message at 7 a.m., in a drop-off conversation, in a response to a scheduling request — these shape the entire climate of a co-parenting relationship, often more than any court order ever will. Co-Parenting Is a Job One of the most useful reframes for post-separation parenting is also one of the most practical: treat it like a job share. Two people, regardless of their personal history, have a shared professional obligation — to communicate, make decisions, solve problems, and resolve conflict around the needs of their children. The emotional intimacy of the former relationship is gone. What replaces it is something more structured: courtesy, professionalism, and a clear understanding of what the job actually requires. ...
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078: Top 10 Things to Things to Consider When Contemplating Divorce, from a Child Advocate’s View

In this episode of Children First Family Law, Krista guides you through the intricacies of divorce using a child-centered approach. Krista shares her top ten considerations for those contemplating divorce, emphasizing the children’s best interests. She highlights the importance of identifying subtle forms of abuse, such as coercive control, and discusses the potential for reconciliation in non-abusive relationships. She also underscores the value of seeking expert guidance and the value of contemplating legal separation as a potentially better first step as an alternative to divorce. Krista addresses the challenges of co-parenting and financial management post-divorce. She explains how the legal system prioritizes the child’s best interests in parenting time and decision-making, discussing the impact of shared parenting responsibilities and common conflicts. She delves into income imputation complexities in child support and spousal maintenance cases and explores changes in parenti...
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077: “Affirmative” Coparenting – Yes it’s Possible! – with expert Allen Levy

Allen Levy, master’s level psychologist and shared parenting educator, returns to the Children First Family Law Podcast for a conversation that goes well beyond the courtroom. Krista picks up where their last episode left off — exploring what it really takes for co-parents to function as professional colleagues, even when the relationship that brought them together has ended. Al introduces his Affirmative Arts framework: a practical philosophy built around affirmative communication, emotional self-management, and the discipline of focusing on what you will do rather than what you can’t, won’t, or don’t. The conversation covers dangerous words that quietly ignite conflict — including “should have,” “why,” and even “best interest” — and how small shifts in language can change everything. Al also shares details on his upcoming shared parenting curriculum, designed to give parents, attorneys, and mental health professionals a concrete, affordable tool for doing the job of co-parenting r...
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Why Structure Is One of the Most Powerful Tools a Divorcing Parent Has

When families separate, the instinct to ease the pain is natural. Parents loosen rules, skip routines, and look the other way on bedtimes. It feels like compassion. But for children navigating the upheaval of divorce, that instinct often works against them. Structure — consistent, calm, and predictable — is not a burden on children during hard times. It is a lifeline. Structure Reduces Anxiety Children do not experience structure as restriction. They experience it as safety. When a child knows what time dinner is, what the bedtime routine looks like, and what the consequences are for stepping outside established limits, they do not have to spend emotional energy wondering. That energy stays available for the harder work of adjusting to a new family reality. Anxiety fills the space that structure leaves empty — and removing routines during divorce does not give children room to breathe. It gives anxiety room to grow. The Guilt Trap Divorce guilt is real and powerful. Parents who fee...
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Why Structure Is the Secret Weapon for Children of Divorce

When families are navigating separation and divorce, most of the conversation centers on legal rights, parenting time, and financial division. What rarely gets enough attention — and what research increasingly shows matters enormously for children — is structure. Not rigid, punishing structure, but the kind that makes the world predictable. And for children whose lives have been turned upside down, predictability is everything. Limits and Consequences: Building Safety Through Expectations Structure begins with limits and their associated consequences. These are the “if/then” frameworks of daily life — and they apply whether you are a parent setting household rules, a professional managing client relationships, or a judge overseeing a courtroom. If you finish your homework, you choose what’s for dessert. If you miss the filing deadline, you face contempt. The critical distinction here is that consequences are not punishments. A consequence is simply the outcome of a choice — positive...
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076: Using “Structure” to Reduce Anxiety and Keep the Kids Out of the Middle: Part 2 of 2 with Dr. Ben Garber

In this episode of the Children First Family Law Podcast, Krista Nash continues her conversation with Dr. Ben Garber, exploring how structure — in all its forms — serves as a foundation for children’s emotional health during and after divorce. From consistent bedtimes to bulletproof parenting plans, Dr. Garber makes the case that structure isn’t about control — it’s about reducing anxiety and helping children feel safe in an uncertain world. Dr. Garber draws on more than 40 years of experience to address parents, co-parents, and family law professionals alike, using the framework of Russian nesting dolls to show how structure operates at every level of a family system. He also tackles the guilt-driven impulse to relax the rules during divorce — and why that instinct, however well-meaning, often backfires. In this episode, you will hear: Why structure reduces anxiety in children during and after divorce The guilt trap — and why relaxing rules during divorce often backfires How co...
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075: Using “Structure” to Diminish Kids’ & Parents’ Anxiety: Part 1 of 2 with Dr Ben Garber

Structure might not sound like the most exciting topic in family law, but it might be one of the most important. In this first part of a two-part conversation, Dr. Ben Garber, internationally recognized psychologist, prolific author, and one of the leading voices in child-centered family law, breaks down how clear boundaries, defined roles, consistent routines, and limits with associated consequences work together to reduce anxiety for children and parents navigating separation and divorce. The more conflict exists between co-parents, the more essential structure becomes to keep kids truly out of the middle. Dr. Garber also draws on compelling research from medicine, dentistry, and public health to explain why advance orientation — knowing what to expect before entering any process — leads to better, faster, and more equitable outcomes for families in the court system. This is a conversation that has the potential to shift everything about how you approach parenting after separation...
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